Mickey Does Joisey
any followers from Vodka, Sex and Cheese, move on - this is a repost
I bought this house with my ex-boyfriend. Let's call him Silent Bob. It's February and cool the way I like it... all smellin' like leaves and detritus, mmmm boy. However, something is living in the walls of New House. Chewchewchewchewchew at 2 a.m. Wakes me up. Can't sleep. Heebie Jeebies. We find black couscous in the silverware drawer. Mmm. Enough's enough. I don't want any neck-snappin' ... NO, I want something more humane... glue traps.
Well, one night of TV viewin' (this is what he does and why he's an ex) and we hear this 'thumpthumpthump' muffled sound. We locate the source. AHA. Silverware drawer... got the little bastard!! Poop in my forks will you? WaHAAA. Open drawer...Oh that poor little fucker. All of an inch long and ears bigger than his body. Little field mouse. Eyes like a starving Cambodian. Panicked. Panicked is an understatement, he was freaking the FUCK out.Silent Bob is going to fold the trap in half like a mouse taco and stomp it. I scream and say NO! It's not a gotdamn cockroach.
I'm bawling my eyes out. I shall take this butterknife and free him from his gluey mire.At the sidewalk, I try to pry his little 3/8" legs out of the glue. As I try to lift, his eyes go from panic to "LADY YOU ARE DISJOINTING MY LEGS I AM NOT STRETCH ARMSTRONG" and I am now sobbing so audibly that my redneck neighbors think I'm one of them... the battered woman. I'm at a loss and realize SB was right. Death is the only option at this point, Kee-Ryst, I dont want to hurt the little guy any more than I have. Instead of turning the trap over and stepping on it as if he were an insect (smart move) I flip the butterknife over so I'm holding the blade. Crying my eyes out, I beat the shit out of the little mouse.
posted by DogGirl at 6:49 PM
13 Comments:
At least you have enough of a conscience to have been bothered by it.
I would be traumatized for life.
My old cat was a terrific mouser and used to leave innards as gifts for me, which was endearing, but disgusting, and inevitably made me want to cry and barf.
FYI- gluetraps are way less humane than snap traps. Or was that the point of this post? I like to catch them on the gluetraps and keep them around as paperweights. They don't need much exercise. Just some cracker crumbs and water. Gluetraps are excellent for removing unwanted hair.
Holy cow. I so could not handle that.
Butchie - Marry me. Move to Utah, and I'll be your 2nd.
Phronk - My head is too crowded, I needed to branch out.
Tits - My dog brought in a soaking wet mouse. As dogs love things that reek, he rolled himself all over it and left dead-wet-mouse prints all over the carpet in little half moon shapes (tail stationary where he held it, head torso doing the half circle). It never did come out.
My, my, my.(
JAJAJAJAJA!
Bludgeoning: the humane alternative
You have rednecks in Jersey?
i thought that was a giant clitoris.
I used to have a mouse in an old apartment in Louisville. I bought one of those sound wave plug ins, and I never saw it again. You just have to make sure your neighbors don't have any pet rodents.
Todd - I finally got one. And fuck the neighbors... who keeps rodents in the house? And if it keeps the chipmunks and squirrels in deafened agony YEEHAH
Sorry,I couldn't help but laugh. Poor little bugger.
holy fuck. awesome.
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