Jeez I suck

I used to be so witty. And gross... what happened? I've not shat myself or had really inappropriate hittings-on. I'm really boring these days. Where's my humor? I'm a smartass and pride myself on it. What's going on? Let me drink this vodka/club and think on it. How does one approach "Jeez, I suck?"

Size matters?

So okay, I masturbate at least once per day. Let's get that out in the forum. It happens, regardless of my level of partner satisfaction. I'm a horny bitch, I have insomnia issues (maybe this could help me reach Nightyville) and damn it, if I had a dick, I'd suck myself. I'm a guy with an innie and boobage and a pretty face. Damn, DAMN the fates!

I have this 'friend'. He's purple has some enticing appendages. Some may say he's a goon, donning a sphinx-like 3-tongued head and a digitless arm that quivers when provoked (push On, left wheely gauge). I wanted to use the word 'festooned' in that sentence but without slices of American cheese in the equation, I couldn't find a way.

I have to tell you, while I can understand men might be intimidated by the Black Intimidator 3000. I was in N'orleans and found a life-sized fist with elbow-deep replica that left me wondering how one uses that and still keeps ones bowel movements from hitting the floor like Britney's hair in the psych ward.

Oh, I had a story, I forgot... my friend is NOT the BI 3K. Yes, 'he' has decent girth and some appendages my GIB and I have recently acquired (aka vibrating cock ring that hits the C) . And yes, he'll shut the fuck up and sit under the sweater on the shelf if I want but he's not the one I love and doesnt move like a real person. We use other toys together and personally I'd like to use this one but guys need to realize that nothing replaces the real cock and real broad chest against your breasts. the smell of another person, all that... nothing beats a real man.

The Garbage State

The boyfriend (formerly GIB) is going to sell his ex-marital house and downsize. We've each been casually looking at homes online.

It's funny how you become conditioned to things after a while. When gas was $3.05/gallon, then you passed a place at $2.87 you'd think "Damn! Wish I had me two tanks to fill at that price!"

As I was looking online at the housing tonight I realized how ludicrous it was that I'd look at a listing and think "Cool, low taxes, only $7,500." He said he'd like to stay around $6,000 if at all possible but that's hard here. He wouldn't consider selling where he is but his taxes are over $13,000 now.

We're both loan officers for big mortgage companies. His business is almost 100% NE Philly. Taxes are low there and the mantra "Why rent when you can buy?" holds true. It's difficult for me to tell that to a renter here in Joisey. A first time buyer is going to have to budget $300-$400/mo just for taxes unless they buy in Camden which has only this year lost it's top position as the most violent-crime ridden city in the nation. quitters. Even there, a $100K rowhome is sporting taxes of $2,000/yr. Someone making $28,000/yr here is going to be renting a long long time - he can't afford a doghouse here.

There are regular articles telling how boomers and retirees have to leave the homes they've owned for 25 years because they can't afford their ever-increasing property taxes. How is someone on fixed income, who has paid off their mortgage, going to be able to budget for $800-$1,000 month for property taxes? Their homes just keep getting assessed at higher values each year. The home they bought for 65K is now valued at 300-400K and that's about $9000+ in taxes.

I know the root of the problem is political (fucking surprise there) and has to do with the fact that we have like 600 school districts in one of the nations tiniest states, each of which has a superintendent and his cadre of underlings. Some of these 'districts' are comprised of exactly ONE school or possibly a high school, middle and elementary. Lots of chiefs, few injuns.

Many of us without kids, me of the womb bearing a self-installed No Parking sign and the elderly, are particularly pissed that we're paying out the ass for over-managed schools. That $700/mo could buy me a very nice assortment of artificial phalli in a wide variety of colors and media, with and without lights, sound and pulsation - an iCock perhaps that we could incorporate into our daily activities. I could actually upgrade some things in my house - if I thought offing the community spawn one by one (or hell, a whole bus at a time) would allow me to install a Viking range and Subzero appliances, I'd be working at the school cafeteria in my hairnet, tainting the mystery loaf.

Many of the Sixers, Eagles and Flyers live here, in the town where we are. It's not unusual to pass one at the grocery store or out at a bar or restaurant. Unless it's someone highly recognizable, like A.I. or John Runyan, or there's a pack of 5 6'4" 240# black dudes chilling at a predominantly stuck-up elitist white bar, high-fiving each other and wearing team jerseys while slinging back 40s, I'm clueless. Someone usually jabs me in the ribs and tells me who they are. I can't understand why they move here. Maybe it's a status thing. They can out-tax the next guy. "Oh yeah? You bought a $2m home in PA? What are the taxes? $6,000 you say? I thought so. My new house in Mt. Laurel, NJ was $1.2m but my taxes man, they 30 G's! Fo shizzle ma' nizzle"

Or something like that.

Hinder

A song must really suck if it's the first thing to tempt me to post in 5 months. I still visit some of Ze Blogs and it was Todd (vivalasvegass.blogspot.com) whose list of the 10 worst bands caused a post mentioning that song "Lips of An Angel" by Hinder.

A few days ago a radio station was taking requests and a great number of people called in to request this song. I have no problem with the public sheep calling to request one shitheap song over another, as long as it pushes something with Fergie to the scrap pile for the time I'm stuck listening. That's not my gripe.

The station played some of the recorded requests from listeners and this is what surprised me. Many of the requestors claimed "it's our song" and referred to their paramour. This sparked MORE call-ins from people saying the same thing and these people were incredibly passionate about it.

Have you listened to the lyrics? It's about how this guy gets a late night call from an ex while his current is in the next room. How he wishes it was the ex in the next room and how hard it is to be faithful to his current woman as long as he hears his name spoken by this bitch with the sainted DSL (that's Dick Sucking Lips for those of you not in the know).

These caller-inners... who are they identifying with here? Are they with someone but still screwing the ex? Were they with someone and left to go back to the days of blowjobs (aka Unmarried)? Was their previous "our" song "Love The One You're With?"

Me? "One Black And A Bunch Of Dirty White Boys" by 2 Live Crew always gets me a little sentimental for the old days.

Selling Out

Trying to upload titty pic for Butch, at his request because I've totally sucked as a blogger lately. He's trying to overcompensate for his gayness we all know. Next thing you know he'll be married (oh, wait...).

The pic has been 'uploading' for 4 minutes now. And no, they aren't that big that they are clogging the picture chute.

So instead, you get this...


The page cannot be displayed
The page you are looking for is currently unavailable. The Web site might be experiencing technical difficulties, or you may need to adjust your browser settings.
Please try the following:
Click the Refresh button, or try again later.
If you typed the page address in the Address bar, make sure that it is spelled correctly.
To check your connection settings, click the Tools menu, and then click Internet Options. On the Connections tab, click Settings. The settings should match those provided by your local area network (LAN) administrator or Internet service provider (ISP).
See if your Internet connection settings are being detected. You can set Microsoft Windows to examine your network and automatically discover network connection settings (if your network administrator has enabled this setting).
Click the Tools menu, and then click Internet Options.
On the Connections tab, click LAN Settings.
Select Automatically detect settings, and then click OK.
Some sites require 128-bit connection security. Click the Help menu and then click About Internet Explorer to determine what strength security you have installed.
If you are trying to reach a secure site, make sure your Security settings can support it. Click the Tools menu, and then click Internet Options. On the Advanced tab, scroll to the Security section and check settings for SSL 2.0, SSL 3.0, TLS 1.0, PCT 1.0.
Click the Back button to try another link.
Cannot find server or DNS ErrorInternet Explorer

Apology

I'm sorry sorry. I've been consumed with work and sex. Making cash and having 10 orgasms a day should be all our worries... pity me. I'll elaborate when I can take my gorgeously sweaty ass to the shower and find 8 minutes to type - without shaking.

Until then, I'll humor myself with your blogs.

Confession

I can't live without Tool. Finally listening to 10,000.

I may have to masturbate. Again. 12 times.